In this chapter Nadia writes about how she believes God "plunked her down" on a different path, and allowed not to die in exchange for working for God.

Have you watched Le Femme Nikita?

"When you can't control something -- like how if I take one drink all bets are off no matter what motivation I have for controlling myself -- it's easier to arrange life in which it looks like you've chosen it all, as opposed to facing the truth: You have lost your ability to choose any of it." (page 36)

"I was still looking for an affirmation that I wasn't an alcoholic, so that, dear Jesus, I could go drink again."

"And these people talked about God a lot. But never about an angry God who judged or condemned or was always disappointed in people. The God they spoke of was not the God I was taught to fear." (Page 36)

"Her relationship to God wasn't doctrinal. It was functional." (Page 36)

"..I was sitting in a twelve-step meeting in an upstairs Masonic lodge when someone shared about something he had rad in the Bible that week that really spoke to his sobriety. I stood up and walked out. The Bible had been the weapon of choice in the spiritual gladiatorial arena of my youth." (Page 37)

"..the connection -- the deep, ongoing, and personal connection people like Margery had with God, a power greater than their alcoholic selves -- was in no way based on piety or righteousness. It was based solely on something I could related to a hell of a lot more: desperation." (Page 38)

"Getting sober never felt like I had pulled myself up by my own spiritual bootstraps. It felt instead like I was on one path toward self-destruction and God pulled me off of it by the scruff of my collar, me hopelessly kicking and flailing and saying, 'Screw you, I'll take the destruction please.'" (Page 40)

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