Chapter 7: I Didn't Call You for This Truth Bullshit

In this chapter Nadia writes about a friendship with Candace that does not work out

"We met in an alcohol recovery meeting a few years earlier and became friends based purely on the unlikely number of things we had in common." (Page 70)

"Being a loyal friend is something I haven't always been good at, so at the time, I was trying to make up for my past dis-loyalties by being (or just making it look like I was) selfless." (Page 71)

Nadia writes about a conversation with her sister after visiting Candace in which her sister says, "you have a limited amount of time and emotional energy in your life, and you are squandering tons of it on this one situation just so you can maintain the idea you like to have of yourself as being a loyal friend." Nadia responds.."I didn't call you for this truth bullshit." (Page 71)

"There's a popular misconception that religion, Christianity specifically, is about knowing the difference between good and evil so that we can choose the good. But being good has never set me free the way truth has. Knowing all of this makes me love and hate Jesus at the same time. Because, when instead of contrasting good and evil, he contrasted truth and evil, I have to think about all the times I've substituted being good (or appearing to be good) for truth." (Page 72)

"The truth does crush us, but the instant it crushes us, it somehow puts us back together into something honest. It's death and resurrection every time it happens. This, to me, is the point of confession and absolution in the liturgy." (Page 73)

Writing about the first time she experienced absolution in liturgy she says she thought it was hogwash. "Why should I care if someone says to me that some God I may or may not really believe in has erased the check marks against me for things I may or may not even think are so-called sins? This obviously is the problem with religion for so many: It makes you feel bad enough that you will need the religion to help you feel good again." (Page 73)

Then she says absolution in liturgy came to mean everything to her. "It gradually began to feel like a moment when truth was spoken, perhaps for the only time all week, and it would crush me and then put me back together." (Page 73)

In talking about the last time she meet with Candace and not being able to tell the truth. "I wish I could say that I had learned how powerful the truth is and that I am unwavering in my commitment to it. But in that moment I couldn't manage to be good or tell the truth. Instead, I said that I had the friends that I needed. Sometimes we can't manage to choose the truth or to be good, and in those moments I just hope God comes and does that thing where something is transformed into healing anyway." (Page 76)

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